black clothes

I went out into the daylight, out into the warmth, and I was wearing black clothes. I looked down. My legs were moving forward. My cap shielded me from the strong sun. I couldn't see where I was going, but I knew there were others nearby. It was midday. People are always out at midday; people don't hide at midday, people aren't afraid of the light, they go out into the light, they go out into the warmth, they go there because they can see others, they can be seen by others, they go there because it is safe and it is warm. People seek the light, and the light seeks them.

I walked down the stairs outside my building, and I was sweating on my cheek. My black clothes attracted the heat. I watched my legs move down the stairs. My black clothes illuminated. Strong sunbeams were directed at me.

my legs moved faster now, they went faster and faster, I noticed it was bright outside, I was attracting the light but I couldn't see anyone else.

someone at the crosswalk on the other side

who were they? Were they looking at me? Did they see me? They were wearing light clothes. I didn't see them, but I knew they were there. Did they see me? They must have seen me; I was walking down the street in broad daylight, I was wearing black clothes, it was warm, I was walking fast, I was sweating, I was walking faster and faster, they must have seen me. Who were they?

What did they see?

there was blood there. The blood was inside, the blood was dark. The blood made me run out. When I saw the blood, I realized I had to get out, I needed to find some other clothes, and I had to get out. I took off the clothes I was wearing, I grabbed some black clothes that were lying there, I put them on, and I took one last look into the bedroom. The blood made me run out.

I was outside in the daylight, and someone had seen me. They were wearing light clothes. I hadn’t seen them, but they had seen me, and in the light, everyone could see me. I didn’t want to run. If I ran, they would run after me; if I ran, they would see me even clearer. They must not see me; if they saw me, if they really saw me, I would die.

had I taken hard drugs? Reality was so strange. The light was so intense, the heat was so strong, there were people who had seen me. They must not see me. I was the worst person in the world; no one must see me, no one could see me; if anyone saw me, they would die. I hadn’t taken any drugs; I couldn’t remember it, I was completely sober, but reality was so strange, everything was so intense, the light burned in my eyes, I attracted the light, all the light was on me. No one must see me. I was wearing black clothes, and no one must see me.

Had I taken LSD? no, I was sober. Was I sober?

ecstasy, cocaine

I hadn't taken anything. Was I sober? Reality was so different

I only remembered that I wanted to hurt him. Damn, I wanted to hurt him; nothing was more important at that moment, it felt so unreal, and I couldn’t understand that what I had seen was something that had actually happened, but it was real, and therefore I had to hurt him

These thoughts followed me as I walked down the street with the sunlight directed at me. My black clothes were illuminated; who were the ones on the other side of the street? I dared not look at them; I knew they were looking at me, I was wearing black clothes, and I was sure they were looking at me; they must have seen my black clothes and must have realized that they weren’t actually mine

I was wearing black jeans, black shoes, a black T-shirt, and a black cap. The pants and shoes fit quite well, while the T-shirt was a bit too big. The cap was tight around my head.

The cap was way too tight.

I felt the cap pressing on my forehead, I felt the pressure on my temples, I felt it on the back of my head. The cap was very tight; it was constricted, I could feel exactly where the cap was pressing on my head. My legs were moving quickly down the street; I looked down, and I thought it was strange that my legs were moving so fast. I thought that people don’t usually move that fast on the street in the middle of the day? The light clothes on the other side of the street must have seen me; I thought they were probably following me now, I was wearing black clothes, I was sweating, my cap was tight on my head, and my head was pressing on the cap. “Oh God,” I prayed, “please let my cap explode?” I imagined how it would feel if my cap just exploded and the pressure would ease and I would get a moment of peace and the pain would subside and I could lie down and rest

I just wanted to lie down and rest. But I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to be like him. When I got home and went into the bedroom and saw him lying there, he was peaceful, he lay there and rested as if nothing had happened, and the peace that embraced him attacked me and hit me in the face, and the peace that he was lying in came as a damn frontal assault on me, and I felt it all over my body as his peaceful expression was shot at me; it felt like a truck ran over me, and I couldn’t move, and I froze, and I was stuck while the truck came at me at a hundred kilometers per hour, and I couldn’t move, and the truck came fast toward me but it felt like time stood still and I knew it was going to crush me, and I realized that I was going to die now but I couldn’t let this happen but I had to let it happen because it had already happened, and there was nothing I could do now because I had to die now. Death had come to the bedroom, and there was no way out

I thought about the light clothes I had worn earlier that day. They suited me well. It was a light pair of shorts and a light shirt. My sandals were black, but everything else was light. I thought about how good I looked in those clothes, and I asked myself

Would I ever be able to wear those clothes again?

The light shirt I had worn earlier that day was the same shirt I had worn on my first date with her. I had worn a light shirt, and she had worn a light dress.

Her dress was nice and summery, and I thought, “Damn, I love that dress she’s wearing,” so I looked at her and smiled and said, “Damn, I love that dress you’re wearing.”

She looked at me a little startled and said, “That was a strange way to give me a compliment.”

I replied, “Sorry, I just said it because that was exactly what I was thinking, and I’m a bit nervous, but I like your dress, it’s light and summery, I imagine it’s comfortable to wear in the heat”

she smiled gently and said, “It’s okay, I appreciate the compliment, I like your shirt, it’s light and easy, and you suit that color”

my light clothes were no longer light. I walked quickly down the street, and I was wearing black clothes, they didn’t suit me, and the light clothes on the other side of the street were following me.

I started running as fast as I could. I ran at a hundred kilometers per hour, I had to get away and I had to escape, and they must not see me because if they really saw me, we would die; I knew that death had come, and it was wearing light clothes.

I was wearing black clothes but death was wearing light clothes. I saw him lying there and resting. He wasn't wearing any clothes. I was wearing light clothes and I had come to the bedroom while he lay in bed and his peace attacked me and I saw his penis and I couldn't believe it was actually his penis but I froze and it felt like his penis was coming towards me at a hundred kilometers an hour and was going to kill me, I wanted to escape but I couldn't, time stood still and his penis ran over me like a fucking truck

"I ran and ran and ran and ran and shouted out to God, 'Please dear God, let me escape this nightmare, please God help me, help me now, death is following me and is wearing bright clothes'"

I shouted to God. It was bright. It was warm. I was sweating. I was wearing black clothes. My cap was tight on my head and I prayed to God, "please God, let my cap explode now, I just want to lie down and rest, I don't want to run anymore now."

the white clothes were chasing me at a hundred kilometers an hour and I knew that now they had seen me, now they had really seen me, they were going to catch up with me, I looked down at my legs and they weren't running fast enough, my legs lit up and they looked at me and said 

"you are dead now. You know you were wearing light-colored clothes and you know what you did with your hands."

"no, that's not true," I said, "I haven't done anything wrong, I was just wearing light clothes when I walked into the bedroom and I saw him lying there resting."

I looked at my hands and they looked at me and said, "you were wearing light clothes. you cannot rest," I didn't understand how my hands could tell me this? I lay down on the street while I was wearing black clothes and everyone could see me but I could not rest. the cap pressed on my head

the pressure on my temples was overwhelming and I closed my eyes and I saw him lying there resting in the bedroom and I took a golf club from my golf bag and I walked towards him and his eyes were shocked and he jumped up from the bed and he said "calm down man nothing happened" but I walked towards him with the golf club in my hands and I saw his penis and I thought why the hell did it have to be so big and I walked towards him and he was scared and I had the golf club in my hands

and I opened my eyes and I lay there in the sunlight in the middle of the street and I was wearing black clothes and I knew that my light shirt that I was so fond of was no longer light now